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Signs your girlfriend Suspects that You’re a Closet Animal Lover

10: When she comes over to your house, she runs into your room with a sledge hammer and bashes your German Shepherd, Shasha, all the while saying, “Stop trying to steal my boyfriend, you fucking BITCH!!!!”

9: When she comes over to your house she ignores you and snuggles up to your Schnauzer(the DOG, you pervert!!!!) says “Hello, handsome, wanna play?” in order to make you jealous.

8: She buys you a chain and a leash for your birthday and instead of the usual necktie.

7: You tell her that you went to goof off for a while and rushes to the phone, checking out all of the zoos, animal shelters and stables in the area for any “unusual activity that happened within 24 hours.”

6: She took you to the vet instead of the doctor when you got sick with the flu.

5: She won’t let you on the couch any more….

4: When you tell her you sleep with the dog, she hopes that’s all you do.

3: Whenever a hot sexy dogwalker passes by the two of you, she gets jealous of the dogs, not the chick.

2: You spend countless hours that the guy in the internet picture fucking a dog is not you and it was your evil twin brother (yeah right!!!) who is trying to break up your relationship.

And the number one sign that Your Girlfriend suspects that you are a closet Animal Lover…

1: You wake up from a wild night of having sex with her and discover that she had you locked up in a cage with a doghouse while you were sleeping.

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This dog is in heat - and its mistress helps it wag off the steam by giving in to its beastly desires.

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She was asked to clean their house, but before doing that she take care of her dog’s needs first and where talking here of extra needs.
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And here’s another one!!! Have fun!!!

If a dog fucker taught a dog fucker
To fuck ere the dog could fucker,
Ought the dog fucker fuck
Be taught to say fuck, or suck,
Or what ought to be taught her?
If to fuck and to fuck a dog fucker fuck
Be taught by her dog fucker tutor,
Ought the dog get fucked
If the dog fucker fuck
dog and fuck at her dog fucker fuck?

She dared her that after a painful tattooing, they will try the extreme and fuck the first animal that comes. Daredevils…

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And here’s another one for you!!! Enjoy!!!

There was a barren whore
who fucked a bear, also a boar.
The bear could not fuck the boar.
The boar fucked the bear a bore.
At last the bear could fuck no more
Of that boar that bored him to the whore,
And so the whore fucked off the boar–
That boar will bore the bear no more.

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Ladyhawk, my Ladylove

She was waiting for me. I heard her cries, summoning me to hurry as I walked towards her large cage. I could feel her eyes, tracking me, as I stood just in front of her and wrap an old tattered T-shirt around my hand and forearm. Protection. For me, not her. As the saying goes, it is better to have safe sex than to regret earlier. As I did, during those first few times we paired up together.

I smile as I slowly unlatch the door, knowing that my lady was impatient for her kind. Sure enough, she began crying again, begging me to hurry up. Her need must very great today, I said to myself, trying to calm her down with soft gentle cries of my own.

Upon opening the door, I held out my covered hand toward her and was rewarded with soft cries of greeting as she immediately perched on my hand. I wince inwardly, feeling her sharp claws digging through the fabric and to my skin. Gotta change t-shirt soon, I thought. The cloth was no longer thick enough for our “activities”, but for today, it will have to do.

With my other hand, I latch the cage door close, before leading her to a nearby fountain. I learned that my lady finds the sound of running water relaxing and this would help me in what I have planned for the two of us. Silently, slowly, as not to alarm her, I sat on the fountain’s edge and begin our customary rite of foreplay.

I could feel myself slowly harden as I gently caress her graceful neck and head. The feel of her soft feathers against my skin was very arousing, indeed, and I could tell that she felt the same way too. Her eyes were already half closed and she was making soft cooing sounds of pleasure. She was very still, her wings drooping slightly, and her grip on my hand tightens, waiting for me to make the first move. As always.

I stop teasing her and decide to get down to business. Slowly I reach under her tail with my other hand and run a nail over her hole. This startles her, and for a moment, I freeze, hoping that she will not suddenly turn on me and make me lose an eye or two. Last time she did it, I ended up having a large gash on my cheek and I have no wish it of it happening again.

She seemed willing this time and immediately spins around, her tail facing me, and I bring her back towards me. Gently I raise my head up and kiss her hole, feeling the point of two end bones under her tail with my lips, and with my tongue I wet, the soft feathers surrounding it. I know that she is very delicate so I try to be gentle with my lady as I can.

She is easily pleased and she lifts her tail up and pushed it desperately against my face. I grin and tease her hole with my tongue. She screeches, flaps her wings, and comes to my mouth. Then I sucked gently, and with another cry and flap of her wings, she came again. I have always found her cum to be very arousing, so I sucked her repeatedly, enjoying her cries as she came again and again to my mouth.

After a few minutes, I lowered my hand and let her land beside me at the fountain’s edge. I was so horny and I wanted to cum while pleasuring my lady. So, I zipped my fly and lowered my pants, knowing that she was watching my every move. I glance at my lady, give her teasing grin, before reaching under my boxers and grabbing my rock hard cock, and began jerking off. It did not take long before I was shooting cum all over the ground.

I do not know how long I’ve sat back there into some sort of sexual daze, with a puddle of cum at my feet. But I quickly snapped out of it when sharp claws dug into my skin, followed by something gently landing on my chest. Startled, I opened my eyes. It was her, my ladylove, and she was staring at me with her razor sharp beak so close to my face. This is it, I thought. I’ll have to give up an eye or two as payment for our forbidden love. I closed my eyes hoping that she be merciful and make it quick. I was surprised when I felt her beak work its way to my short and often messy hair. I opened my eyes and stared at her. She…was preening me? To my knowledge, hawks only preen another hawk when it has accepted the latter as its lifelong mate. So, has she finally accepted me?

She must have read my mind and she stops and brushes her head against my cheek. Yes, she has accepted me. And I whisper her name.

Ladyhawk. My ladylove…

the End.

Return of the Bestial Sexually Slanted Lines

Read it and laugh your hearts out..

More Bestial Sexually Slanted Lines

So what were you and Buster(the dog) doing alone in the woods at THAT time of the night? (As IF we DIDN’T already guessed….)

Here pussy, pussy. Wanna come out and play?

Can I join you in taking Rover out for a walk?

What exactly will we do in a petting zoo, Honey?

Dog damn it!!! I suck!!! I suck!!!

Hot Dogs!!! Get yer Hot Dogs here!!! Large and juicy Hot…..Dogs!!!

Girl: I want a horse for my Birthday!
Dad: What will you do with a horse?
Girl(Pauses for a moment): Ride on it?

Whoa! That elephant is HUGE!

It was a dogday afternoon.

And last but not the least bestial sexually slanted line (drum roll please)….

Fucking horse….!!! He SUCKS!!!!

These animal lovers do it for some cum swapping and swallowing.

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